Yeah, today I went to the store for a few snacks for me and the bf, and decided to grab some beer while I was there. Now I know that some cashiers are trying to be nice and all, and I know that when you go to your local store they recognize you and don't always card you, but today I was at a place I rarely if ever shop at. And, no, I was not carded. Again, this should not be a big deal to me. So why is it?
Lately, I haven't been able to clear my mind. I am constantly thinking of time flying by me, and this little action today seemed to reinforce these thoughts for me. The cashier couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 years old. She must have seen me as someone older, someone approaching middle age, or at the very least, someone who looked the part, right? Or maybe she just didn't give a damn, and didn't feel like doing the math in her head. Ha, that is what I have to hope for. That I just had a lazy cashier. Wow. Otherwise, I have to think of the alternative, that I really am getting old.
I suppose getting old bothers me because I have never fully lived my life the way I have always felt I should be. I spend so much time trying to identify myself, analyze everything (hell, what's this?), and hide each and every detail, but on some level I am scared of never really getting to live it. I don't want to be fifty, thinking that maybe I should have come clean years ago. Before I was no longer being carded for beer by college students. And before the shit hits the fan and ruins my life. Scootch dramatic? Yeah, probably. Screw it, I think I will just enjoy one of these beers, and keep trying to figure out what being yuri is really all about. I hope I am not crazy, I really do. And above all else, I hope I make the right choice, whatever and whenever that is.
Lately, I haven't been able to clear my mind. I am constantly thinking of time flying by me, and this little action today seemed to reinforce these thoughts for me. The cashier couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 years old. She must have seen me as someone older, someone approaching middle age, or at the very least, someone who looked the part, right? Or maybe she just didn't give a damn, and didn't feel like doing the math in her head. Ha, that is what I have to hope for. That I just had a lazy cashier. Wow. Otherwise, I have to think of the alternative, that I really am getting old.I suppose getting old bothers me because I have never fully lived my life the way I have always felt I should be. I spend so much time trying to identify myself, analyze everything (hell, what's this?), and hide each and every detail, but on some level I am scared of never really getting to live it. I don't want to be fifty, thinking that maybe I should have come clean years ago. Before I was no longer being carded for beer by college students. And before the shit hits the fan and ruins my life. Scootch dramatic? Yeah, probably. Screw it, I think I will just enjoy one of these beers, and keep trying to figure out what being yuri is really all about. I hope I am not crazy, I really do. And above all else, I hope I make the right choice, whatever and whenever that is.
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