All girl is all better (club that is...)

I had a fabulous time one eve last week. It all started when my bff Tiffany convinced me to go out with her and our friend Tanja to a local gay club. Odd thing is, while I have been to many "gay" clubs that tend to be half or mostly male oriented, this was honestly the first time I could say I have been to an all girl lesbian club. I must say, I had a blast. If you are a fan of yuri (as in anime), a gay girl club is not a bad place to be. Plus, you get to avoid the annoyance of being hit on by random drunk guys which is a total plus, but I digress.

The way the girls interact with one another is unusual but very pleasing. In a straight club, two girls kissing always mean they are trying to rile up a group of guys somewhere near by. It is always some softcore sloppy tongue kiss with a bit of boob groping. Bleh. Since there really no guys in the club we went to, you know that is not the case (not that they would want to anyway). Plus, they are more sensual, more emotional with each other. Holding, cuddling, even when not really thinking about it.

Even the way a girl hits on you in a club like this is different. When a woman approches you, it is always calm and nonthreatening. Now that is not to say she is meek or shy or anything like that. Quite the contrary actually. They seem to have more confidence, more know-how in the way of approaching another woman. Even after explaining that I am straight, their light touches or continuing conversation didn't feel pushy like it seems when a guy does the same. I even accepted a few dances from some of the girls, both femme and stud.

By the by, stud is something totally new to me. Not that I haven't seen lesbians who tend to be more masculine, I never knew it was a bit of a subculture. And while I, myself, am not really attracted to it, I can see the appeal and enjoyed hanging out with them as well. The oddest thing for me I think was to watch a stud dance quite provocatively with a girl and then do the same with another stud. There are no lines and that is cool, kinda like how I usually feel. All things considered, I had a great time, and no matter how things go, I wouldn't mind going back. Who knew?

Sometimes I just need a girls night out

If there ever was a time I needed to go have a beer with a good friend last night was it-and I didn't even know it. My best friend Tiffany called me to go have drinks at our local "Cheers" not far from where we live. We call it that because its the one place we always go, and the people know us there now. She texted about needing someone to talk to, and naturally I had to go. Its what good friends do. I am glad I did.

At first, I thought it was going to be a quick night. But we ended up chatting over a pitcher, musing over her new crush, and joking about my swinger neighbors. As conversations mixed with drinks tend to go, we soon got on the topic of sex. Then I say it.

"What if he is into girl on girl stuff? I can't even say I wouldn't do it again."

I saw her face. It was almost quizzical, like she couldn't figure out the answer to a really hard math problem. But then she did something amazing. She smiled. And kind of, agreed.

"Yeah, I'm not saying I wouldn't do it, like ever or anything. I just don't think I could get into a girl like that. That's all. And I couldn't know her. That shit would make it weird."

Okay, so she ignored the whole "again" bit. That's good. I wasn't ready for that yet. Even though Tiff is one of my best, closest and oldest friends, she never really knew about me dabbling into the other side before, or that I didn't quite give it up. We need a much longer girls night for that talk.

We went on to discuss how she feels that being with a girl is mostly foreplay, and how she kind of understands how it works out if you love someone but not if you just need a "fix" if it were, and I couldn't help but keep her talking. On our walk home, we were giddily discussing sex versus porn sex when it comes to what we would be willing to try. How we have been friends that long and never had this conversation I will never know. Maybe my little diary thing is making me just comfortable enough that I can open up with those that really do deserve to know me heart, mind, and soul.

Thanks, Tiff, for making me just that much less crazy. While it doesn't make her "yuri" or me any less so, it was oddly liberating to know that she didn't think sex, with a woman, but with no regard for a future is inherently evil. And though are views on why are different, the end is only a few beats from where I stand. So, I'm kinda not alone, right? Maybe one day, I will even be able to point to this, smile and say, "Hey, thats us...and this is me."

Perfect Sentiment

I found this while searching online...this is so beautiful, and yet strangly so sad. I hope it touches someone like it touched me.



Click it to see it bigger.

Can anyone help me in which manga this is from? I want to give the author the proper credit they deserve. Thanx.

EDIT: Thank you Erin, for identifying this piece for me! "It's from "Maria-sama ga Miteru" by Konno Oyuki and Nagasawa Satoru." She has posted a link in the comments below.

Wow...Twitter DOES rock...

I am officially addicted to twitter and my new tweeple. I know, if anyone out there really knew me personally you would know how ridiculous this seems but it is true. It really is very theraputic to have an outlet, and while it seems to have increased my thoughts about women in general, it makes me really look at myself as well. And then, with discovering twitter, I feel like I really have a chance to find someone out there who is like me, even a little.

You can't imagine how awesome it feels to ramble incessestly with people who have similar interests, thoughts, beliefs and ideas as me. People who don't really care if you are anonymous or in your face, people who seem to actually care about your few blurbs about your day, and people who take the time to recommend a series or shoe or whatever it is that you have questions about. Tweeple only care about what you care about. That is the appeal of twitter.com.

When I tweet, people listen. They don't ask who I am or quiz me about my lifestyle or my choices. (Hell, with only 140 characters, who could?) Instead they respond exactly to what I said, and I in turn do the same for them. And I love it. Some tweet more than others, some I have not even seen tweet since I have had my account. But when they do, they suddenly matter to me, and on some level, I feel like I matter to them. Thank you twitter, for helping me find a place, no matter how small and virtual, that I feel just a little bit more like the real me.

Am I getting...old?

Yeah, today I went to the store for a few snacks for me and the bf, and decided to grab some beer while I was there. Now I know that some cashiers are trying to be nice and all, and I know that when you go to your local store they recognize you and don't always card you, but today I was at a place I rarely if ever shop at. And, no, I was not carded. Again, this should not be a big deal to me. So why is it?

Lately, I haven't been able to clear my mind. I am constantly thinking of time flying by me, and this little action today seemed to reinforce these thoughts for me. The cashier couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 years old. She must have seen me as someone older, someone approaching middle age, or at the very least, someone who looked the part, right? Or maybe she just didn't give a damn, and didn't feel like doing the math in her head. Ha, that is what I have to hope for. That I just had a lazy cashier. Wow. Otherwise, I have to think of the alternative, that I really am getting old.

I suppose getting old bothers me because I have never fully lived my life the way I have always felt I should be. I spend so much time trying to identify myself, analyze everything (hell, what's this?), and hide each and every detail, but on some level I am scared of never really getting to live it. I don't want to be fifty, thinking that maybe I should have come clean years ago. Before I was no longer being carded for beer by college students. And before the shit hits the fan and ruins my life. Scootch dramatic? Yeah, probably. Screw it, I think I will just enjoy one of these beers, and keep trying to figure out what being yuri is really all about. I hope I am not crazy, I really do. And above all else, I hope I make the right choice, whatever and whenever that is.