Her...

It's not going to work. Trying to pretend I am someone else after all these years is not happening for me. I love my life the way it is and yet it is incomplete. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Stupid, stupid Sy. I thought that keeping a journal of events, of my feelings, thoughts and experiences both past and present would help me get over all this. Or at least come to some sort of terms with it. Ha, yeah, right.

Can I tell you? Me and my boyfriend have sex more than ever because of this shit. Back to the sex that seemed to wipe my memory of any and everything I am going through. I can faithfully say I thought this was the end of it. Why? I don't know...this isn't the first time I have tried to put my past behind me. I guess I felt like since I was making an honest effort this time, it would work. Stupid, like I said. Mmmm...but the sexual attraction is still there. And its getting worse...fuck, I'm going to bed...to dream...of her...